I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
