I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
