I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize