I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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