I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
