Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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