He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
