I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
