I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
