I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
