So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
