Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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