I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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