I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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