i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
