I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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