so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
