I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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