And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
