at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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