my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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