What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
