I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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