My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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