I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
