I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
