Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
