Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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