A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need water and some morals
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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