You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
