I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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