How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
