Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize