By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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