Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
