I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
