Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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