i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
