I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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