I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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