Where did you get a picture of my penis
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
