i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
