In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
