Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
