I wish I only lived at night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
