Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
