I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
