I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
