he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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