It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
