I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
