turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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