i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A bitchslap is in order.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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