Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
