Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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