THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
