did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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