grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
