Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
