Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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