addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
