Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
