Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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