No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize