he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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