You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize