We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
