i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
