I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
