I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize