i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
