I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
