So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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