I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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