Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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