Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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