And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
