Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
