The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
