My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
