So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize