Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
