why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i out mim tonsoeep
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