i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
