The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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