i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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