I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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