You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
