It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
