Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
