im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
