my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize