isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
