So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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