He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
