Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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