singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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