My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
