Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
