take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
