Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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